I don’t mean listening as in “obey.”  I mean listening as in the best part of “hear.”

When last did  you really listen with concentration to what your mate was talking about? In fact, when last did anyone really listen to you?

See what I mean?

The world is such a frenetic place today with all its distractions that in pure self- defense we have switched off our ability to hear.

We all have so much noise going on in our lives that we no longer have the inclination to really listen.

It’s so easy to  dismiss  someone else’s concerns and we do this best by not  listening properly.

But when we do listen we really get to understand where the person inside is coming from.

There is a real art to listening properly.  Unfortunately not many people have cracked the secret of listening. Because the real art of listening is not only about listening to words.

Real listening has to do with understanding body language too.  Real listening means looking into  someone’s eyes with real understanding and truly getting the underlying message.

It means caring enough to become involved.

Glamour and good looks are important assets for any girl because they attract attention. But the girl who listens has an even bigger advantage.  Not only will she get her man – she will also keep him.

The sad thing about being afraid to give compliments is that when the moment has passed it doesn’t come again.

The inability to express appreciation sets up an emotional barrier. And the more we block our feelings the more it becomes an intractable habit.

The saying goes that we never regret the things we said as much as the things we left unsaid.

That is why if you think you may be suffering from an emotional block try this simple experiment.

At the very first opportunity, comment about something pleasant you have noticed about your partner.  It doesn’t have to be an over the top expression of undying love. Just mention something that you have noticed and like. It can be the simplest thing.

Then take note of the expression on your partner’s face. If you see that it has gone down well you can try it again on another occasion.

About being Critical

It’s so easy to be critical. But being critical creates a negative reaction and can lead to resentment particularly if it is uncalled for. Criticism creates a negative mood.

When you are critical you are looking for the shortcomings in someone. But when you are being complimentary it means that you have looked for and found the good.

The difference can always be seen in your partner’s expression. A compliment can work wonders and the effect on your partner’s mood and on your own will be magical.

It’s a simple fact! Compliments can work like magic.

But have you noticed how difficult some people find it to give a compliment?  It’s as if they’re scared it will be regarded as flattery.

They don’t understand the magic that a compliment can wield.

While couples are dating, compliments come thick and fast.

“How beautiful you are!”  “How lovely your hair looks tonight!” or ”You look a million dollars in that suit!” and so on.

But then as they become more familiar with one another they start taking one another for granted and soon think that compliments are unnecessary.

They forget that the real secret to keeping a relationship alive is by showing a genuine interest in one another. Giving a genuine compliment now and then is one of the best ways to show your interest.

A genuine compliment is not simple flattery. A well-timed and sincere compliment is a sign of appreciation. And it will always be well received.

Many people feel that simply thinking well of someone is good enough and that it is unnecessary to voice how they feel.  They seem to think that their partner will know automatically what they are thinking.

But the truth is that we all need to feel appreciated and a sincere compliment is one of the best ways to give recognition and show appreciation. You  should never be afraid to give a compliment. It will make  your loved one feel so special.  And that is exactly where a compliment starts to work its magic.

Many people talk about the importance of honesty in their relationships.  But how many couples really practice it? How many of us are truly honest with one another?

To some people, honesty is just a word to which they merely pay lip service. And so it is one of the first things to give way in the light of a crisis.

But honesty in a relationship is a very real value that we should do everything in our power to keep alive. The health and longevity of the relationship depends upon it.

What is love without trust?

The real value and raison d’etre of being honest in a relationship is that it inspires trust.  Trust and sincerity.  If we don’t have trust and sincerity in our relationships all mayhem breaks loose.

Why?

Because if we can’t trust those who are closest to us we cannot rely on them in times of stress or in a crisis. It leaves us filled with doubt rather than imbued with confidence. And it gradually eats away at the relationship until it is destroyed.

This is clearly not the type of foundation on which we can build a lasting relationship.

So yes, honesty in a relationship is vitally important because it gives us the assurance that we can trust and rely on the person we love. It is what love is based on.

Ask any couple with a long and successful relationship what they based their success  on and you’ll find that nine times out of ten the answer will include some aspect of trust and honesty.

It’s a sudden vision of clarity – a sudden understanding that comes to us in a flash.

Why would you want to find an “aha moment” in your relationship?

To help you locate the source of a problem or to find a solution to your most pressing relationship concerns.

“Aha moments” sometimes come to us with no explanation whatsoever.  But mostly they are elusive and we have to find ways to coax them out.

With that in mind, here are a few thought provoking ideas for you to reflect on.

See if any of them apply to your relationship. You may just hit upon the “aha moment” you’ve been looking for.

Find your Aha Moment here:

• Every relationship is based on a delicate balance of emotions. Respect the emotions of your partner and the relationship will flourish. Upset the balance and you can expect problems to emerge.

• Two people with different interests and outlooks are capable of having a wonderful relationship – as long as they can regard their differences as opportunities rather than problems.  Different interests can broaden our horizons and enrich our relationships.

• A relationship is over and above the simple bond of two people. It is a dynamic system in itself and like all systems it needs nurturing if we want it to flourish.

• Giving attention to a relationship should not only be for damage control. Nurturing and loving care will raise it to a higher level and bring more fulfilment and happiness to both parties.

• The most precious things we can bring to our relationships are honesty and sincerity.  They are the most important requirements for a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

• Any relationship can be improved when couples start listening to one another with sincere interest.

If you have any other “aha provoking ideas” feel free to comment below.

If you liked this article you may also find the following interesting:

Questions for Couples to ask each other

Perfectionism can ruin your relationship

Do you find it difficult to apologize?

Does your personality affect your relationship?

Relationship Secrets

You’ll be surprised to learn how very little most couples know about each other when they first move into a steady relationship.

If you also fall into that category and don’t know anything about your partner’s personality or background you may be forced to face certain realities in your relationship before too long.

For example, it’s possible that you may not have realized that your partner had a temper or had a problem with jealousy until it was too late. You didn’t realize how things could turn out.

Simply Ask the Right Questions

If couples in relationships asked the right questions before committing themselves to  long-term relationship there would be fewer relationship problems. If only couples learnt to ask questions first before tying the knot there would be many more happy relationships and far fewer divorces.

Even if you think you know your partner inside out, there are always questions to ask that will help you to clear up any misunderstandings.

How often have you heard someone say; “Why didn’t you ask me?  If you’d only have asked I would have told you!”

You certainly won’t know all the answers at the beginning of a relationship. But you’ll have a very good idea of the direction your relationship will take if you simply ask the right questions.

So what kind of questions should you ask?

In the early days of your relationship you probably won’t have a clue. You probably haven’t even given it a thought. But if you’re serious about the future of your relationship – it’s vitally important that you do think about it.

Here are a few questions that couples should ask themselves:

• Do you both have the same attitude to money?
• Are you emotionally compatible?
• Do you both like the same type of vacations?
• Do you share the same attitudes to children and family?
• Do you believe in soul mates?
• What kind of relationship do you have with your parents and siblings?
• Are family traditions important to you?
• Do you share the same religious outlook?

Fortunately, Michael Web, a well-know writer who appeared on Oprah and innumerable TV shows addressed this very problem.

“An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions” he says.

“How compatible are you and the person you are with?” he asks. “And how would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean that you can have a blissful, long-term relationship.”

Help for Couples

In order to help these couples he put together 1,000 of the most important questions couples should be asking each other.

He chose these questions specifically for couples to use while they are dating. However, it’s interesting to note that as many as 700 of these questions are particularly important for married couples to discuss as well.

The 1000 Questions for Couples to ask one another may be just what you need at this stage in your relationship. Take a look.

1000 Questions for Couples