Does he have commitment phobia?

If your boyfriend has commitment phobia it’s vital for you to learn about it as soon as possible.

Fortunately, with the following tips, you won’t have to stay in the dark for too long. You will see that there are several ways for you to find out if he has commitment phobia or not.

The first thing you should do is watch out and listen for helpful hints whenever you have a conversation about your relationship.

Though it often goes unnoticed, a lot of information can slip out during a conversation. Arguments in particular are loaded with clues and signs.

There are many other sources of information too that will give you some helpful clues, particularly if you

Ask the right questions!

With that in mind, here are some leading questions to ask yourself.

Not only will they alert you to several warning signs of commitment phobia; they will also help you to think objectively about the direction your relationship is taking.

Does he have commitment Phobia?

10 Questions to ask yourself

• Does your boyfriend often say that he doesn’t want to get married or that he cannot see himself settling down with one woman?  If so, this is not a mere hint.  It’s a red flag.

•  Does he often tell you that he has to do a lot of traveling for his work? Or does he often say that his work requires him to work late at the office? Another warning sign!

• Does he seem to make a habit of choosing to play or watch an unusual amount of sport that keeps you apart?

• Does he often choose to go out with “the boys” to places where you are not included?

• Does he have a long list of short relationships?  Because if he has, yours may be the very next one to join his list.

• If he keeps mentioning that he needs his space, take it seriously as another sign that he is not thinking about his commitment to you.

• Also take note if he starts to complain that you are too demanding without being sufficiently specific. But make sure that he doesn’t have a genuine case against you before you are tempted to accuse him of being unfair.

• And here’s a tricky one: If he says that he needs to make changes in his life so that he can get away from it all, can you be quite sure that he isn’t trying to get away from you?

• Does he make excuses about introducing you to his parents or does he keep putting it off?

• And finally, if he keeps hinting that he isn’t sure if things are going to work out between you – take it as a sign that commitment to you is not on his immediate horizon!

If you have answered these questions as honestly and as objectively as possible, you will have a good idea about your boyfriend’s commitment to you.

And here’s The Answer to commitment Phobia

How to get that Ring

Amazing! A short while after writing this post I  discovered this brand new guide to getting your boyfriend to commit.

So I am adding it here for your convenience.

Take a look and see if it could be the answer to your problems.    I think it may just do the trick for you.

It’s worth trying in my opinion because clearly there is a lot to  gain from it.

The answer to commitment phobia

Aff link

Are you the mea culpa type?  Do you apologize too quickly?

If you are in the habit of saying sorry at the  drop of a hat then you may just have the dreaded Mea Culpa Syndrome.

And if you do fall into that category, you will surely be familiar with that self-recriminating  “I Blame Myself” attitude.

But just to confirm take a look at the following signs that should help you to work out if you have -

The Mea Culpa personality:

• You are too quick to take the blame.
• You are too quick to apologize and
• Rather than fan the flames of any argument you take full responsibility for the problem.
• You focus on your own shortcomings rather than on the other person’s faults

People with this type of attitude are much too quick to concentrate on their own failings.  Not only that; they tend to be guilt-ridden and are likely to accept responsibility for everything that goes wrong in their relationships.

Is that you?  Do you recognize yourself?

Try to kick the Mea Culpa habit

If you make a habit of taking the blame it may end the argument sooner but it will only defer the problem in the short term.  In the long run it will create more problems in your relationship than you bargained for.

Think about it carefully and you will see that this type of approach will never work to your advantage. It will only serve to weaken the foundations of your relationship.

Any worthwhile or successful relationship should be an equal partnership with a lot of give and take from both sides. It should never be a power play where one side calls the tune and the other takes orders.

If you make a habit of putting yourself down, your partner will expect you to take the blame every time and apologise when you have a disagreement.

So what should you do?

The Mea Culpa Trap

Firstly you need to recognize that you have fallen into the mea culpa trap.  And having accepted that, you need to break the cycle by taking a firmer stand.

• Prepare yourself mentally beforehand by determining what your strengths are.  Then use them to bolster your confidence.

• Accept that you are allowed to disagree and that it’s OK to do so.  You don’t need permission to put up a reasonable argument.

• Do not give up your rights or your autonomy to someone else. And don’t apologize if you have done nothing wrong. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So make sure that you do not give anyone that consent.

• You are entitled to your own opinion without having to feel guilty about it. So offer your opinion as an alternative point of view. But do not allow yourself to shoulder any blame for disagreeing.

Once you learn how to stand up for yourself you will have renewed respect for yourself.  And it follows that others will have much more respect for you too.

Visit a related post which may be of interest if you find it difficult to apologize.

Isn’t it strange how the word, “kindness”  has become so old-fashioned.  It has almost passed out of common usage and is fast disappearing into the realms of verbal antiquity.

It is a word that is seldom used today and seems to stem from a bygone era where genteel manners and etiquette were the highest form of civilization.

No-one today refers to another as “a kind gentleman.”  The term in itself is somewhat embarrassing and downright archaic.

Just try being “kind and gentle” and you will soon find yourself kicked out of the fast lane.

Walk around with a philosophy like that showing and the sharks will make a quick meal of you in record time.

And yet the concept of kindness like Aladdin’s lamp is too full of remarkable mysteries to be discarded carelessly onto the floor of the cave.

Kindness is like a smile of understanding that doesn’t glitter on the surface of the eyes but goes right inside to the workings within.

It isn’t a dutiful gesture that accompanies a philanthropic cheque. It isn’t in boardrooms and you won’t find it in crowded places.

Kindness is like a fleeting glance glimpsed in the crinkling of eyes.  It’s a quick meeting of souls in the recognition of their common destiny.  And it sets them vibrating in sympathy like fine-tuned musical instruments.

Maybe that is why it’s so hard to find these days.

The holiday season can be the loneliest time of the year.

While everyone around you seems to be buying presents, preparing meals and going to dinners and parties, you feel like a lonely wallflower sitting on the sidelines watching all the dancers whirl by.

When you are feeling alone it rubs salt into the wound to see so much activity and so much shopping and scurrying around.

Your only wish is that it will all go away as quickly as possible.

What are you to feel when the whole world around you seems to be going berserk? Your loneliness is accentuated by all this contrast with your own situation.

So you pretend to be bright and happy. But in reality you are feeling like the only person on the planet who feels miserable and so desperately alone.

But take heart. There are many thousands of people right now who feel exactly as you do.  The only difference is that you haven’t met them and you don’t know who they are. If somehow you could all get together you could have one huge bash that would put all the other party-goers to shame!

But jokes aside, holiday seasons are notorious for making people feel miserable. There are many people out there right now who can’t wait for the holidays to be over so that they can get back to work quickly and regain some semblance of normality.

The important thing to realize is that you are not alone. Many, many people are going through this very same feeling of depression this minute.

The secret lies in learning how to cope with feeling lonely. And this means that you have to make a plan of action.

It’s quite easy.  Simply accept that this is the time to pamper yourself.  Buy that special something you have always wanted.  Treat yourself to something you know you will enjoy.

Buy that new book you have always wanted or make plans to learn that new hobby you’ve always fancied; or explore an interest that you have always wanted to follow such as learn handwriting analysis. Immerse yourself in it and you will be amazed to see how quickly the time passes and how soon you will start to feel better about yourself.

Time to yourself can be a blessing in this overcrowded world. Use the opportunity to get in touch with your creativity. Express your feelings by painting, writing or learning a musical instrument.

And there’s the internet too with chat groups where you can join groups of people with similar interests. Loneliness is a common problem and there are many people out there hoping to connect with others who have similar interests.

Now that you have some time on your hands you can get involved with a cause that you believe in. There is a double advantage here.  You’ll feel good knowing you are doing something worthwhile and furthermore, you may meet some like-minded people who could add a lot of meaning to your life.

For example if you are concerned about the ecology you could become part of a group and go on outdoor excursions. There are all kinds of possibilities for new experiences.

The bottom line is – don’t simply hide under your bed till the holidays are over. With a little change of focus you can turn this time into a valuable and yes, an enjoyable experience. Just set your mind to it.

puppy love

I watched my puppy curled beneath my chair,

paws to nose, eyes tightly closed,

cuddly like a dark koala bear,

breathing gently, fast asleep;

smelling from sleep-warmed puppy fur -

and I loved him.

They seem to get intoxicated by the spring air.  They get so excited that they lose their way and get into the bathroom through the open window.

Now, rather stupidly, I get awfully sorry for those lost and frustrated bees.  So I spend quite a bit of time carefully fishing them out of the bathtub with a tissue and sending them out on their way.

Sometimes I can find up to 40 bees buzzing frantically against the window pane trying to get out.

If I open the window and usher them out they dance away into the sunlight.  But if I leave the window closed, in an hour they are all lying dead on the floor.

Now I have this strange theory that frustrated bees die of hopelessness and despair. They don’t hurt themselves buzzing against the window pane.  So why would they die so quickly?

Exactly!

Hopelessness and despair.

You can’t convince me that bees don’t think or that they don’t have emotions.

THE CLOSED WINDOW PANE

What has this to do with our own lives  you may very well ask?

A lot, I think.

I’ve seen so many people buzzing their lives against a closed window pane.  And yes, it is always accompanied by hopelessness and despair.

And then there are those intrepid folk who search for the open gap and fly out and upwards into the sunlight.

They are the optimistic ones.  They have learnt that the only way to achieve anything is through determination, drive, enthusiasm and optimism which is really a form of hope.

You should look at them carefully because they are the worker bees among us.

Those of you who read these posts will know that one of my interests is handwriting analysis and the meaning of handwriting.

There are signs and meaningful connections all around us.  We only have to be alert to them.

And yes, it’s possible to see the signs of hopelessness and despair not only in the behaviour of bees but in handwriting too!

Strange world isn’t it?