How to Find an “Aha Moment” in your Relationship
What is an “Aha moment?”
It’s a sudden vision of clarity – a sudden understanding that comes to us in a flash.
Why would you want to find an “aha moment” in your relationship?
To help you locate the source of a problem or to find a solution to your most pressing relationship concerns.
“Aha moments” sometimes come to us with no explanation whatsoever. But mostly they are elusive and we have to find ways to coax them out.
With that in mind, here are a few thought provoking ideas for you to reflect on.
See if any of them apply to your relationship. You may just hit upon the “aha moment” you’ve been looking for.
Find your Aha Moment here:
- Every relationship is based on a delicate balance of emotions. Respect the emotions of your partner and the relationship will flourish. Upset the balance and you can expect problems to emerge.
- Two people with different interests and outlooks are capable of having a wonderful relationship – as long as they can regard their differences as opportunities rather than problems. Different interests can broaden our horizons and enrich our relationships.
- A relationship is over and above the simple bond of two people. It is a dynamic system in itself and like all systems it needs nurturing if we want it to flourish.
- Giving attention to a relationship should not only be for damage control. Nurturing and loving care will raise it to a higher level and bring more fulfilment and happiness to both parties.
- The most precious things we can bring to our relationships are honesty and sincerity. They are the most important requirements for a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
- Any relationship can be improved when couples start listening to one another with sincere interest.
If you have any other “aha provoking ideas” feel free to comment below.
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Questions for Couples to ask each other
Perfectionism can ruin your relationship
Do you find it difficult to apologize?
Questions for Couples to Ask each other
How well do you know your partner?
You’ll be surprised to learn how very little most couples know about each other when they first move into a steady relationship.
If you also fall into that category and don’t know anything about your partner’s personality or background you may be forced to face certain realities in your relationship before too long.
For example, it’s possible that you may not have realized that your partner had a temper or had a problem with jealousy until it was too late. You didn’t realize how things could turn out.
Simply Ask the Right Questions
If couples in relationships asked the right questions before committing themselves to long-term relationship there would be fewer relationship problems. If only couples learnt to ask questions first before tying the knot there would be many more happy relationships and far fewer divorces.
Even if you think you know your partner inside out, there are always questions to ask that will help you to clear up any misunderstandings.
How often have you heard someone say; “Why didn’t you ask me? If you’d only have asked I would have told you!”
You certainly won’t know all the answers at the beginning of a relationship. But you’ll have a very good idea of the direction your relationship will take if you simply ask the right questions.
So what kind of questions should you ask?
In the early days of your relationship you probably won’t have a clue. You probably haven’t even given it a thought. But if you’re serious about the future of your relationship – it’s vitally important that you do think about it.
Here are a few questions that couples should ask themselves:
- Do you both have the same attitude to money?
- Are you emotionally compatible?
- Do you both like the same type of vacations?
- Do you share the same attitudes to children and family?
- Do you believe in soul mates?
- What kind of relationship do you have with your parents and siblings?
- Are family traditions important to you?
- Do you share the same religious outlook?
Fortunately, Michael Web, a well-know writer who appeared on Oprah and innumerable TV shows addressed this very problem.
“An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions” he says.
“How compatible are you and the person you are with?” he asks. “And how would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean that you can have a blissful, long-term relationship.”
Help for Couples
In order to help these couples he put together 1,000 of the most important questions couples should be asking each other.
He chose these questions specifically for couples to use while they are dating. However, it’s interesting to note that as many as 700 of these questions are particularly important for married couples to discuss as well.
The 1000 Questions for Couples to ask one another may be just what you need at this stage in your relationship. Take a look.
Why do we go to such Lengths to Hide our Feelings?
Have you ever stopped to wonder why we go to such lengths to hide our feelings?
We use all sorts of ploys and subterfuges to try to hide how we truly feel.
We control our facial expressions; we hide our hands behind our backs and we change our voices. In short, we will try anything to conceal any gesture that could possibly suggest how we really feel.
And so we laugh when we feel embarrassed. We pretend indifference when we are moved. We hide our tears when we are sad. And we even smile when we are hopping mad!
The face behind the Mask
We’re all so scared of being ridiculed or humiliated that saving face has become an end in itself. Image is so important that we have to protect it all costs.
Why do we feel it necessary to hide our feelings behind a mask of indifference? What is it that makes us want to pretend?
Isn’t it possible that the real problem with showing our emotions is that it could make us seem vulnerable?
And so, if we are feeling an emotion – any emotion at all, we disguise it in case it reveals sensitivity or vulnerability. Because we often mistake vulnerability for weakness.
Strange that we are all so bent on hiding the sensitivity that reveals our humaneness. After all, aren’t our feelings the very things that make us truly human?
If you liked this post you may find the following article interesting:
How to unmask “the face behind the Mask” with handwriting
If you are interested in a seeing a light-hearted approach to graphology with lots of handwriting fun for beginners go to Graphology-World.
How to tell if your Child is being Bullied at School
If you are the parent of a child who is being bullied at school you will probably be the last person to know about it. Children are often afraid to speak up about being bullied or victimized at school.
However, there are a few warning signs that you can watch for. You just have to be alert to the situation.
If you notice more than three or four of the following warning signs it may be time to take action and to do a little bit of careful investigation yourself.
There is also a helpful report online called School Bullying that can help you to identify personality problems that are the result of bullying.
Here are some of the signs that should alert you to the possibility of your child being bullied.
If your child -
- frequently makes excuses to avoid going to school
- Often complains about having a head ache or stomach ache.
- Is unable to sleep or has nightmares.
- Is irritable and moody
- Does not cope socially
- Has developed a poor self-image and low self-esteem
- Is becoming careless about school work which is noticeably deteriorating
- Tries to get out of joining in school activities
- Comes home with scratches or torn books
- take note because these just could be the warning signs of bullying.
Information will be your best weapon and first line of defence. Use it.
Find out about the personality problems that you child may be facing as a result of being bullied. Check out Bullying at School for further details and tips for dealing with the situation.
Whatever you do – don’t ignore it.
Perfectionism can Ruin your Relationship.
I often cringe when I hear someone say “I can’t help being so fussy – I’m a perfectionist.”
Quite honestly perfectionism can be a recipe for disaster. Being a perfectionist doesn’t make you or your efforts perfect. It can have the opposite effect.
Perfectionism squeezes the fun out of life by making you try too hard. If you are a perfectionist you tend to try so hard that you lose out when it comes to spontaneity and carefree enjoyment. And the harder you try the further away you set your goals.
A problem particularly relevant to your relationships is that perfectionism can be a two-edged sword. Two-edged because as a perfectionist you are not only demanding of yourself – you are demanding of others as well.
It’s all very well to be hard on yourself – which is an issue in itself with a whole lot of repercussions. But it can create problems if you are too hard on your partner as well.
You can’t expect others to toe the line in the same way that you do. You have to give people breathing space. A relationship that is stifled and sterile has nowhere to go.
It’s worthwhile remembering that even Nature isn’t perfect. But she is bountiful, generous and joyful. Sometimes even a little chaotic! In fact, there is a certain beauty in irregularity.
We can’t all be thin, beautiful and perfect. But we can be happy and joyful. And sometimes a bit of a mess can be jolly good fun!
To see if you are a perfectionist or even if you have perfectionist leanings, there is no better way than to take a quick look at your handwriting. Perfectionism in handwriting is quite easy to identify.
If you liked this post you may enjoy the following articles:
- Michael Jackson’s Signature Reveals his Inner Conflict
- The Trials and Tribulations of Writing about Genius
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We have lost our Relationship with Nature
Those of us who live in cities have lost touch with earth matters.
We have lost the old sense of well-being that people used to derive from the rural way of life that was somehow sustaining and reassuring.
We have been separated from the spiritual sanctity of forests and we have been denied the comforting familiarity of well-known woodland paths.
The rose-covered cottage is a myth and we have lost our synchronization with the slow, unhurried earth rhythms that bring in seasonal changes.
And although we are surrounded with many wonderful artifacts and inventions, we have lost the very essence of our humanity because the urban way of life has desensitized us towards nature.
We have become emotionally disorientated and spiritually disconnected because we have lost our way in the rampant jungles of civilization which have progressively altered the face of the earth, changed the environment and modified the climate.
Urbanization and cities erupt about us with tall, forest-like structures of cement and chrome.
Buildings are piled high on one another because space has run out and the pores of the earth are so deeply clogged with concrete that nature can hardly breathe.
Our constructions cover large areas of earth with deep layers of concrete and tar and the jagged horizons of high-rise buildings that extend like huge bar graphs into the sky have taken their toll on our psychic equilibrium.
We have lost our relationship with Nature
Tie a Ribbon around those Old Love Letters
What happened to those old fashioned love letters – those wonderfully poetic missives carefully penned on fine, scented paper with envelopes to match?
In fact, what ever happened to the art of letter writing?
Remember when we were actually taught to write letters? Today every 5 year-old – untaught – sends emails to her admiring grandparents.
But sadly, no-one keeps emails. Have you ever tried to tie a ribbon around an email?
Do you remember when we used typewriters? And back in the previous century – do you remember when we used to write letters by hand?
I was intrigued to read an article the other day that said if we really wanted to make an impression, we should send hand-written letters again because these are the only ones that people are likely to read or keep.
So if you are concerned about the future of handwriting and letters, take heart! Hand-written letters are very much the “in thing” again!
In fact, I recently checked out some hand-written letters and autographs at an auction site. I was amazed at the prices!
So tie a ribbon around those love letters and hand-written post cards and pack them into moth-balls.
A decade or two from now and you may just be able to retire on the proceeds! Your grandchildren certainly will.
Are you the Hedgehog in your Relationship?
I once had a pet hedgehog but he was very shy and we didn’t build up much of a relationship.
J.Gresham Flickr
He used to hide his gentle face and soft, furry stomach by rolling up into a tight ball so that I couldn’t even see the dividing line between his head and his tail.
It was almost impossible to get him to reveal his soft and vulnerable underbelly.
Once in a while I would catch him in an unguarded moment peering at me with his little black eyes and I wondered what he was thinking. But as soon as I tried to approach him he would curl up into a little prickly ball. I could even roll him along the carpet – but nothing would make him come out of hiding.
Have you ever tried to relate to a hedgehog? It’s an uphill battle. After a while you just give up trying.
And that’s exactly what happens in a relationship. If you roll up in a tight little ball till only the spikes are visible, can you blame your partner for giving up? How do you cope with a relationship that is all spikes and subterfuge?
It’s such a pity when we show our spikes and hide our vulnerabilities. Because the softer side of our natures is really what people relate to.
